Hiatus

I haven't used this in a while. A while being three years.

Whatever you do, just don't call it a comeback.

Munk'd

Jason Lee, you're dead to me.

This is why.

Unrequited

Dear blonde girl in my BUS101 class,

Marry me.

Sincerely,
Steve

The U.S.S. Soccer Mom

This occurred to me while driving the other day.

BPS

Consider the following a first draft of my future study on Brilliant Professor Syndrome:
There are some obvious symptoms of this dreadful affliction. These professors probably have published works on their subject of choice which you wouldn't understand even after a careful purusal with a dictionary. They may fail to explain things they find "obvious". They may even have a language barrier and/or hardcore accent which makes it hard to understand when they actually are talking sense. The professor may even decide to completely forgo the text you paid dearly for, in favor of a large packet of powerpoint slides. These are sure signs you are dealing with BPS and you may have issues passing that class. Beware.

Let freedom ring, etc.

Now let's get things straight. I do like living in the good ole US of A. It's got amenities. The whole bill of rights thing is very appealing (not to mention those ammendments). I have opportunities I just wouldn't have access to elsewhere, like a Starbucks within 200 paces of my given position at any time. I'm safe, I'm -relatively- healthy , and even though I hate it, I have a job that pays me decently enough. Even with mediocre performance, I have a college education just sitting there waiting for me to take it. There's even the MLS for crying out loud. Which happens to forcibly transition into my point.

During the United States vs. Ecuador friendly soccer match that took place recently in Tampa Bay, there was a fan in the stands with a whistle. He (or she) was whistling often and repeatedly(in a cheering fashion), to the point where neither the players there nor I could tell when the referee was actually whistling. European fans would never stand for it. That whistle would have to be recovered by a liscensed doctor from a very private orifice. This after seeing soccer matches in Europe, where you get some of the best midgame fan interaction of any sport, brought me to a sad realization. Leave it to the United States to ruin a soccer match via an A-hole with a whistle.

P.S. Thank God for Landon Donovan. If it weren't for him, the States would have nary the proverbial snowball's chance in hell against the rest of the world at the Beautiful Game.

Complaining Unreasonably II: The Return of Snark

I've been pushed to the edge, then consequently over it, and this is the result. The making of pointless, superfluous, unnecessary sequels has got to stop. I can't even see how they are a successful money-making venture anymore. Did Jeepers Creepers 2 really make enough to break even? I'd have to see financial statements to believe so. Does anyone really need a Scary Movie 4? I'm not even going to touch 1-3.

I was angered the most by a preview I saw for Cheaper by the Dozen 2. Now, not only was the first movie a horrible remake in the first place, but this was going to be a sequel to a horrible remake. Mostly, I'm just dissapointed in Steve Martin for agreeing to do it. I can't be made to believe he needs the money. I'm sure his kids' college funds are doing just fine from the Three Amigos money. You'd be even more hard-pressed to make me believe that he thought the script was excellent and worth doing. He's been in good movies, he knows what a good movie is, he knows that this is not one. No, I just think that he's bored. And when a top-tier star like Steve Martin doesn't have any Academy Awards to host or gets tired of golfing, they make awful family comedies.

May I present subject B. Tim Allen. What the hell happened? You used to be in good movies. Like that one with Kirsty Ally where they were pretending to be Amish to get away from the cops because they did something illegal. That was a good one. Now, it's come down to The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause. I wish I was making that up, I really do. To add insult to injury, Martin Short also stars in it as Jack Frost. The premise is Jack Frost is a disgrunted figurehead who wishes he got more attention around Christmas, so he uses time travel to go back to when Allen's charcter becomes Santa and promptly hits him with a shovel and steals the position. Again I stress, I'm not making this up. It's a sad day in Tinseltown, I'll tell you that.

Unfortunately the movie going public appears to be either mindless zombies or just people with horrible taste in movies, because they keep patronizing these sad excuses for cinema. As long as there are people there, the sensible movie-watching public will get patronized with this dreck. Of course, I'm waiting with bated breath for Under Siege 3. That Steven Seagal kicks ass.